He Said She Said Series #7
Sans Attraction and Announcing Kids
By Mike Reid and Teixeira
This series features Mike Reid and Bianca Teixeira as they answer readers' questions about relationships, style and everything in between. They've written together for various Canadian publications and started a video series by the same name. Now they're back at it, answering your questions at Good Read Magazine.
If everything about your relationship is great, but the attraction is gone, do you stick it out or leave? – Failing Attraction
Mike: Uhm... what the hell are you talking about? If the attraction is gone, everything in your relationship is not great. You need to figure out what about your relationship has changed and fix it quickly. Has someone's body changed dramatically, are you attracted to someone else, has your diet or medication changed? Figure out what it is, why it's happening and address it. What you're describing is friendship with no benefits!
Bianca: Don't worry Failing Attraction, I totally get you. Yes Mike, it's possible. I've been in the situation where I still enjoyed being with a boyfriend but found him about as attractive as a brother. It happens. You still love being around them and have a lot of fun together but the desire for them is gonezo. And unfortunately, I don't believe it's the type of spark you can get back. Save both yourself and your partner a lot of wasted time and end the romantic aspect of this relationship. Try if you can, to preserve the friendship portion of it so you can both still enjoy spending time together but you deserve to get back out there and be in a relationship with someone whose pants you consistently want off.
When should I tell someone I'm on a date with that I have kids? - Baby Daddy/Momma
Mike: Earliest, second date. Latest, third date. It's also a good idea not to let your motherhood/fatherhood define you once you've shared that information. If you act like you're no longer "Jennifer", but "Single Mom Jennifer" others will start seeing you like that as well. Just be a great person with a job, kids, interests, passions, etc... Unless you're already married with children, in which case you should mention it right away.
Bianca: As soon as possible. Why hold off? Having kids is not a dirty secret that should be held back for fear of judgement, it's not like you committed a crime that wouldn't be found out until he ran a background check on you. Knowing your date's stance on kids will be a determining factor on how the rest of your relationship goes; he might want to bail as soon as he hears it or is happy to know that you are the maternal type. Obviously, you shouldn't turn the date into Mommy-palooza complete with pictures and videos....still be your sexy, charming self. But don't waste time you could have spent with your kids on some asshole who won't call back because of it.
Send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org with the Subject: '#HSSS', and we'll try to get them answered by Bianca and Mike. (Please note, not all questions are answered and/or published.)
Thumbnail Photo by Matthew Henry