He Said She Said Series #15
First Dates and Broken Trust
By Bianca Teixeira & Mike Reid
This series features Mike Reid and Bianca Teixeira as they answer readers' questions about relationships, style and everything in between. They've written together for various Canadian publications and started a video series by the same name. Now they're back at it, answering your questions at Good Read Magazine.
"What would the perfect outfit for a first date be?" – Miss Style
Mike: It all depends on the environment, but overdressed always trumps underdressed. SHOE MANDATORY: Make sure your shoes are on point! If you're rocking dress shoes make sure they're clean and polished. If you're rocking kicks, make sure they're clean and don't look like they belong to a homeless guy. BAG MANDATORY: Don't be a bag lady! What's the best number of bags? Zero. Now, a purse, satchel, OR messenger is okay. Just don't bring a purse, bag, knapsack and carry on luggage. Don't make me feel obliged to offer to carry one of your bags. That also goes for emotional baggage as well, save the story about how your ex cheated on you with your sister for date number never. Gents, meeting after work: dress shirt, tie and loosen the knot. Meeting on the weekend: collared shirt, no tie. Do not wear a t-shirt, I don't care how hot it is. And always iron your shirt, you're not in high school. (If you're in high school, learn to iron.)
Bianca: I agree with Mike (what is happening?!?!?!) in that there's no such thing as overdressed (as long as you don't break out a prom dress) but there's always the chance you could be underdressed. For women I like a feminine spring dress with some kind of floral or geometric pattern and a well paired blazer or cardigan in case it's chilly. Also, low heels or flats! Give the impression that you're up for anything. Walk on grass or sand? Sure. Climbing a few flights of stairs to watch a small concert performance? Totally do-able. For the men, I'm always a sucker for a dress shirt and dark denim. And nice shoes. We'll check!
"If trust is broken, can your relationship ever be repaired or is it the inevitable end?" – Bro Ken
Mike: Anything can be repaired, it depends how much one or both parties are willing to grow. And I stress the word grow, none of this change crap. "Oh baby, I'll change." Because, I'm the same person, with the same motivations, fears and desires... but I'll change!? I call bull-shit. Someone has to want core growth, a desire to be a different person tomorrow than they are today.
Bianca: It all comes down to the original offense. It has to be something you can both move beyond or else you'll be in for some dark, shitty days. Sit down with your partner and seriously discuss if the offense was unforgivable. Trust can absolutely be repaired but both parties have to agree to the terms. It's unfair to say you forgive someone and then turn around and bring up the offense every time you have an unrelated fight. Everyone has to be willing to move past it and work hard at keeping it in the past.
Send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org with the Subject: '#HSSS', and we'll try to get them answered by Bianca and Mike. (Please note, not all questions are answered and/or published.)